things I wish I could tell my younger self
19 things for my 19 years of existence.
It is a phase. you will not be obsessed with the CW show Supernatural forever.
in fact, I stopped after season 13. but between the ages of 11 and 14, I was a woman obsessed. I thought no one understood me. I thought I was so gothic and emo for watching a show about demons. I thought I was such an ally for shipping dean and was like my life depended on it (imagine my shock on that fateful November 2020 day…)
clean your retainer properly.
Nuff said.
Don’t be insecure about your curly hair!
naturally, my hair is curly. my family claim the day I entered this world I had a full head of ringlets. As I went through the hellish years of primary school here in the UK, I realised that all the girls had lovely straight shiny hair that would be perfectly put in pigtails with no frizz or baby hairs ruining the vibes. secondary school was just as bad, tying my hair up just meant that I would look dishevelled and a frizzy mess before first-period maths. I was an insecure teenager as is, and the hair did not help me blend in and go unnoticed. I went through keratin treatments, endless heat damage and A LOT of hair gel (girlies I cannot do the slick back vibes) just to realise that I loved it to begin with.
Just because the shot is colourful, it doesn’t mean you should have 5 of them in a row.
freshly 18-year-old Evie had a lovely hangover that consisted of vibrant pink vomit. cherry sourz are not good for the soul.
Not every friendship is built to last.
And that’s ok! I have friends that I still speak to every day, some whom I message maybe once a month, some who may not even remember my name. I have cried over losing friends and played the victim in situations I really shouldn't have done. but every friendship I have had has shaped me into the woman I am today. the girls I met in preschool whom I shared friendship bracelets with and promised we would BFFAE (Best Friends Forever And Ever… obvs) are people who now occasionally pop up on my Instagram feed living lives worlds apart from my own. every tear I have lost when I have grown apart from someone has made me stronger. does that make sense?
Don’t spend all that money on your first car.
you will crash it. the aftermath will drain your savings account.
You wrote a pilot script, big woop.
the pandemic spurred me to start writing, and I wrote a whole pilot for a sitcom. I thought it would be my big break, I’d be the youngest person to win a writing Emmy. I didn’t think about the issues regarding agents, and producers, actually getting anyone to read it. it sits on my desktop still, occasionally tweaked, hoping one day it will be made into something I can be proud of. however, dear reader, as you can see it wasn’t my big break, I shouldn’t have assumed it would change my life.
Don’t pick your spots.
girl I am living with acne scaring to this day!!
one direction still aren’t reuniting. it’s a pipe dream.
‘it was a hiatus! it will only be a couple of months, a few years at most!’ I’m past it now, but I was really hoping it would be brief- I never had the chance to see them on tour.
Don’t live your life for the Instagram stories
it looks like everyone is out every weekend. it looks like they are always on holiday, or trying a new restaurant, or doing something super cool and sooo aesthetic. THEY AREN’T!!! and even if they are, who cares! social media really is a highlight reel. people aren’t posting the fact they have to work 60 hours a week for months on end to afford that trip to Lake Como. they aren’t clarifying they took one good photo in that cool new bar before someone threw up over their shoes and their card got declined trying to buy a cider. everyone has their struggles, they aren’t posting it on social media. live your life the way you want to, not the way everyone else is.
dating in high school is overrated.
there’s no need to rush into the dating scene. the OC and One Tree Hill are not real. you aren’t gonna marry the man you dated in high school. the relationships you enter at 16 will change you in so many ways. you have your whole life to explore the world of romance, it doesn’t matter when you start.
this scene from How I Met Your Mother will change your life.
don’t get me started on the way that show ended. that’s for another issue.
Rhea seehorn won’t win the Emmy.
all your Twitter campaigning is probably for nothing, but you’ll know that she deserves it. #justiceforkimwexler
It’s not all about me.
this is one that I still struggle with. I'm sure many would tell you that I am not without faults. I can be self-involved, I admit it! Spend time listening to people, and thinking about things from other people’s perspectives. remember the world doesn’t revolve around me, and it never will.
Your sense of humour will be shaped massively by a random American late-night show during the height of the pandemic.
not naming names, but it involved a sea captain, an attic, murder hornets and the hit (totally real) show Tiny Secret Whispers. I owe a lot to the team at late night.
A bad day is just that. One bad day.
take your medication. do some breathing exercises. get out of bed. brush your teeth. so many days of my youth have been lost to rotting away in my depression. losing my mind over things that don’t matter. sleeping too much. not sleeping at all. feeling like this is how your life is going to be from now on. things can, and will, always get better. take it one day at a time.
Listen to more music.
until the age of 16, I don’t think I knew that there was music outside of pop music and show tunes. expanding into other genres has given me so many new experiences. I’ve gone to gigs and clubs that I never would have gone to if I only ever listened to Hamilton. I am going to my first festival this summer where I’ll be listening to rock, indie, dance, rap and so much more. broaden your horizons, babe.
Go watch the film ‘Popstar: Never Stop, Never Stopping’ in the cinema.
It deserved better at the box office. Maybe if I had seen it at release, it would have been the big hit it deserves to be.
You're Not Nineteen forever
Live your life. Fuck what everyone else thinks. Be who you want to be. Do what you want to do. Every day is a day to learn new things, don’t waste it.
PS. That is an actual photo of baby me. luv ya!